On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
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And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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