When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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