help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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