Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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