Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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