I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
