In America we eat man semen.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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