just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he thought i was a dude.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
