Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
