i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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