I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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