If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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