My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
