is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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