drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
