His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
