so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
