I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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