He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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