it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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