4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize