i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
