Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
