youre lurking in front of me
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
