If that was your dad, he is hot
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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