Define "chronic" masturbator.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
