I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
