I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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