i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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