I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
