if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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