3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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