would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
