Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
