We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
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