Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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