bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
