Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
