My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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