I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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