You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
