You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
