So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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