can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
