i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
