Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
