It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
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Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
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I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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