why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
