Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
