I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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