Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
