Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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