Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
