Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
