It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
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I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
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It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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