he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
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