Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize