He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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