kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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