I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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