my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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