okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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